A final April message

April 1, 2005

I’ve had to make some hard decisions recently, hence an absence of writings. I’ve had a few things that have constantly seemed like they were nagging at me, and as such I’ve felt that a part of me was, well, for lack of a better word, missing. I think I may have solved two of my biggest problems, though.

One of the hardest decisions that I’ve had to make is that I’m discontinuing this site. I’ve put so much time and effort into it, and there are times that I’m glad that it’s been here, but lately I’ve just felt that it’s a huge time sink for me without any kind of return. It stands as a monument of sorts to my experience at college, but I need to put those years behind me and move into the future. I’ve had a lot of fun writing as well as an equal amount of time I tried writing but couldn’t think of anything to say, and the latter of those two is growing weekly. There are times I’ll sit down, start an entry, and literally not know what to write. I’m tired of writing meaningless, fluffish “How I spent my Summer Vacation, by Andrew Self” pieces, but I just can’t bring myself to really sit and write the stuff I’d like to. Part of that is my mood, part of that is my time, and part of that is that I just don’t care anymore. This site served as a handy way to keep my family updated as to my activities in college, but now that I’m back in easy and free phone call range and seeing them frequently, it seems like the primary purpose of the site has been spent.

The biggest decision that I’ve made, however, relates to my job. As many of you know, I’ve been having some trouble at work in the lats few months, and it all came to a head yesterday when I had my 11-month review of my position. My boss was extremely unhappy with some of my work up to this point, and he told me outright that I needed to change my behavior or else he would seek someone to replace me. I had been frustrated with many things in my position but willing to put up with the things I had to do, but I had always put in my best effort. I saw then that my best effort wasn’t good enough for my boss, so I told him that he could seek someone to replace me if he wanted to, and so I cleaned out my desk and walked out. I didn’t even really have that much to clean out, just some asprin and a box of Rice Krispies that I had been eating for lunches. I know that it kind of left him in a lurch, but given how he felt about the quality of my work and his unwillingness to bend on certain issues, I decided that it wasn’t a company I wanted to work for anymore.

So yeah, I find myself out of a job. Thankfully I got paid today, so I at least have enough money to get me through the next couple of weeks.

Given what I went through the last time I was unemployed and how long it took me to find this job, I know that I need to find soemthing fast, even something that I feel is “beneath me” or that I normally wouldn’t do. I’ve tossed around the idea of the military, though I’m not sure that I could enlist and serve with the kind of attitude that the government demands of soldiers. I thought about the Peace Corps, too, but I’m not sure what skills I could take to anything they could offer me. In short, I find myself in a rather difficult position this April and beyond. I know that it was partially my making, partially my reaction to the environment around me, but there are things I have to do in my life. Personally, I feel bad for the Fools who aren’t courageous enough to do what I did and say “Enough!” At least I still have my pride and dignity. I guess Papa Murphy’s is always an option, though that would sure wear thin the afore-mentioned pride and dignity.

So…yeah. That’s about it. I don’t mean to give short notice to all of you, either, but why draw something out? Thanks for reading all these years. So long, and you know how to reach me.

Posted in Beloit, General, Work