Another week ends, another week begins.

April 25, 2004

OK, I realize that I struck a chord with a few of you in my last entry about how I was feeling, and there was one person in particular that seemed to take it a bit too much to heart. I know that there are times when people are afraid or somehow unable to reach out for help and they gratiously accept other people’s help, but rest assured, this was not one of those times. This was something that I needed to deal with on my own. So while I appreciate everyone’s concern about my last cryptic post, don’t sweat it. As I said, anyone who needed to know what was going on, knew what was going on.

And so here I am, another fine Sunday. Heather got back yesterday safe and sound, and I’ve readjusted to having another person in the apartment just fine. It actualyl took me longer to adjust to being by myself, but I got to like the quiet. It’s still usually pretty quiet here, of course, but the company is also nice to have again. Yo sis, when are you headed out of town again?

It’s so odd sitting in front of my computer, or in front of the TV, or whatever, and not being able to fidget the way I used to. I’ll reach up for the corners of my mouth to rub my facial hair like I’ve been doing for the last year and a half, and there’s nothing there but stubble. Granted, it’s a lot of stubble by now, but it’s a bit disconcerting. I’ve gotten used to seeing my clean-shaven (well, not anymore, so let’s see facial hair-less) face looking back at me from the mirror in the last week, and I half considered shaving again and keeping myself sans-goatee, but I think that I really did enjoy having facial hair. It makes me look older, it’s less work shaving (in some ways, in others it’s more since I have to deal with trimming and making sure everything in straight and matches up), and I like being able to fidget with my facial hair. I had a lot of strange dreams in the last year and a half about it, like dreaming that I accidently shaved too much off or nicked my goatee and had to start over, that sort of thing, and to tell you the truth, shaving it off wasn’t anything like I expected. I don’t know what I expected by doing it. I looked REALLY strange, though. My goatee added volume and depth to my face, and it made me look like I had a hefty chin. You know, all manly and the like. So when I shaved it off, it looked like I’d become a shrimp without the big chin. I look OK in the mirror now that I’ve gotten used to it again, but I definitely think I’m going back to it.

I think three weeks should give me a good base, probably a full month for full regrowth. I don’t remember how long it took me the first time I grew it, honestly. I remember hitting the point at about a week and a half where you just look bad. I mean BAD. All you want to do is shave it all off, and that’s what stopped me the times I’d tried to grow a goatee in the past. Usually I would have let my facial hair grow for about a week or so, and then I’d think “Gee, I show grow a goatee!” So I’d shave, get my neck and cheeks shaved, and then I’d feel like I looked so bad I’d just shave the rest. I don’t remember why I kept the growth on for so long when I finally did grow it, but I was in that horrible-looking place for only about a week. Nobody said anything about it, but eh, I felt bad.

Wow, two whole paragraphs on goatee-growing. Exciting, eh? I should have at least three days of work to do this week, so I can earn myself a bit of money. And I still have money left over from my last paycheck! Exciting! In fact, I sent off my cell phone bill last week and for the first time I wasn’t wondering if by the time it gets cashed I’ll still have enough in there. If I manage to burn through that much in in the next few weeks, I’ll seriously have to rethink my financial choices. As it stands now I have enough to buy my luxuries when I want them–that is, beer, soda, a sandwich and some chips at the store, etc–and still keep enough for bills and helping with my own expenses. I feel bad that given my uncertain financial future I can’t write a check for even a couple hundred bucks to my sister every few weeks to help with food and rent, but I know that even though I may work for three days this week, I may not work again for another month and then I would have spent all my money. I owe my Mom money, too, and so I just have to be careful how much money I dole out to people. Well, a full-time position will come eventually, I know.

I put my name into the hat for a couple more jobs this week, though since I haven’t even gotten a generic confirmation reply from one of them, I’m not expecting much. The other one was a contact that my Mom set up for me, but I’m not sure that will pan out, either. I spoke with someone on the phone about that, and pretty much all they had to offer right now seemed to be part-time contract work. Hmmm. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Though on the bright side of that, I could probably keep working for Martin and do this work, too, given the right circumstances. More money, though I may have to juggle things. I dunno. It’s not something I have to think about right now.

But in the last couple of weeks, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do, and I’ve come to no conclusions, though I did concede that I may have to leave Portland to do something I want to do. I just need to figure out what it is, first. I investigated an opportunity in the last coupel of weeks that sounds interesting, though there are a few hoops that I’d have to jump through to even apply for the position (and no, I don’t want to talk about it quite yet until I know more, so no calls with “So what’s this position?”), so I may investigate that a bit more before I add it to my list of possibilities. We’re not talking armed forces, Peace Corps, etc, though, so it’s nothing quite like that.

Though I guess I shouldn’t necessarily rule things like that out. Well, armed forces I will rule out. I don’t think I’d do well in the armed forces, honestly. I’m not sure how I could mentally get to that place, and besides, that’s the sort of thing I should have done BEFORE college in order to qualify for college assistance. Don’t worry, I’m not doing any rash. Just something I need to keep in mind. Of course, I still don’t know what that IS, exactly.

Man, I really banged my calf the other night. I was making up my bed before I setlled in the the night, and the side of my calf caught a sharp corner of my futon. I feel like I banged a nerve or something, because every once in awhile as I walk I feel a twinge there. Not of pain, more like…well, a twinge of something. I dunno. But it hurts still. I went jogging on Friday for the first time since…well, I missed four days of exercise, so the first time since the day before Heather left for California, and my calf didn’t bother me at all, but I did cut my jog short by about half a mile. Felt kind of weird to be jogging again, and while my joints took it quite well my lungs and associated system didn’t seem to like it for some reason. Oh well. I’ll try again tomorrow evening after I finish with my work for the day, I guess.

So here I am, Sunday night, the beginning of another week. I don’t particularly look forward to the work I have to do this week, but I sure could use the money, so I’ll just suck it up and do it. I’ve had to do that plenty of times in the past, after all. And that’s about all I have to say for the time being. Tune in next time, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

Posted in Geekery, General