I know I can be a jackass sometimes….

August 9, 2003

You know, I’m not really certain where I go wrong. I’ve mentioned the fracas with my friend who decided they were too good for me a few times, and I chalked that up to them being a psycho (a prognosis agreed upon by several people when given the facts), but after mulling it over, I can’t figure out whether I say inappropriate things without thinking them through. I enjoy teasing as much as the next person in my family (which is a hell of a lot), but I seem to blur the line between what’s OK and what’s not. Many years ago when I was dating a girl, she complained that I teased her too much and got very upset with me when I did. I wasn’t being mean, it’s just how I am. It’s how my whole family is, actually. That’s what we do. I wasn’t teasing her about things that she was sensative about, but I guess the amount of teasing grew to be too much for her. I did the same thing with my friend Heather when we were dating, and while she mentioned how much I teased her, it didn’t really bother her all that much. Now Heather and I are just good friends, but we still tease each other a lot, especially me teasing her. Occasionally I say things that I realize immediately afterwards maybe I shouldn’t have said, even though it was all in good fun.

I’m not really sure what my point is, actually. I had another friend recently who didn’t like my teasing, and even though knew that I have tendency to go over the line, took what I said personally and got very upset with me. Maybe they were having a bad day, maybe they forgot that I tease a lot, or maybe what I said was actually inappropriate, but in any case, it got me to thinking: why do I do this? Do I do it to put myself in a dominant position over someone? Do I do it because I want to feel superior to them? Do I do it because by putting them down it makes me feel better? And why do I feel the need to do it so OFTEN? Maybe I’ll just shut my fat mouth for awhile. After my online fight when my friend flew off the handle earlier in the year, I decided that I’d stay out of other people’s business from then on, but of course, I still stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s not like I’m a gossip, but when people tell me what’s on their mind I just naturally tell them what I think. It’s hard to keep out of other people’s lives in that case.

So I think I’m going to stop teasing people for a little while. I’ve tried to do it in the past but it never lasts long. It’s hard not to hurl off a comeback when someone takes the offensive, and when I see an opening I usually like to take it. Better to miss an opportunity than invite disaster, I suppose. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

So that’s what I have to say for now on that. I’m still car-less, but I should be getting back my faithful steed later today. My Mom and I went to CostCo yesterday, and I got to load up on different kinds of foods. Didn’t get anything really interesting this time, although I did manage to convince my Mom to get me a 12 tine pack of Altoids. I like to sit in front of my computer (as I’m doing now) and munch on them, usually while I play games. Nothing like that minty fresh taste while you blast your opponents, no? It actually stems back to playing games years ago when I first tasted Altoids. I was at a friend’s house playing a game with him on his computer, and his Dad had a tin of them. As we played the game on different days, I kept eating the Altoids again and again. Two, three at a time, see how many I could eat, etc. It was a fun game and a fun time, so maybe I’m trying to recreate the occasion. I’ve been eating them for years this way. Now I have 12 tins to get me going; too bad I don’t have a game to really play. I’ll figure something out, I suppose.

My Mom made a sarcastic remark last night about always putting my dinner menu on my website. Ha! Not this time, Mom!

Candy of the Gods.